


no timetable for healing

by charmalot, dropsofgallifrey



Series: something about you, it's like an addiction [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Merlicity - Freeform, anxiety tw, it took so long but it was hashtag worth it, panic attack tw, this has been in the works since JANUARY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 03:44:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12268188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmalot/pseuds/charmalot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/dropsofgallifrey/pseuds/dropsofgallifrey
Summary: Pro Tip: Don't try to keep your widely-despised boyfriend a secret if you're moonlighting as a vigilante.





	no timetable for healing

**Author's Note:**

> here we are again. almost one year since we reuploaded the last merlicity fic. it was hard, but your kudos and comments helped push us to find the time to work on this fic. shoutout to michelle for putting up with this ship that she is not as in love with as we are and betaing the fic for us and a huge thank you to megan for writing and editing this with me and for fitting this rarepair in the time between finishing college and applying to grad school. i love you both. i'll stop rambling now; without further ado: no timetable for healing.
> 
> title from here: http://marleyworld88.tumblr.com/post/157754550501/there-is-no-timetable-for-healing

“Since no one knows we’re together, and that would make it _super_ awkward for me to kiss _you_ at midnight— what do we want our game plan to be?” Felicity asks as she starts pulling on a red dress, turning for Malcolm to help with the zipper. “We could either make a point not to kiss anyone, which I’m fine with, or we could just let whatever kissing that may happen, happen and leave it in 2016.”

Malcolm tugs the zipper of Felicity’s dress up with a hum. Then he smooths out the fabric gently and lightly rests his hands on her shoulders as he hovers his lips close to her ear. “I think we should find an excuse to leave early,” he teases. “And come back here for our own celebration.” But he knows it isn’t practical, so he adds, “But unfortunately, that cannot be done,” as he lets go of her and takes a step back.

She can feel her heart racing at his suggestion as she leans back against him lightly, turning when he steps away. “No, it can’t, and we won’t. We both made commitments to Thea. Plus, Curtis has already put it together that I’m seeing someone, and if he figures out it’s you, he’ll start acting weird, and Oliver will want to know what’s happening and Curtis is kind of really intimidated by Oliver, and he’ll tell him for sure and that won’t be good for us _or_ Curtis.” The blonde cuts herself off after feeling the speed of her words spiral. “But, I wouldn’t be opposed to having our own celebration when we get home though.”

This prompts the man to pull Felicity close once more, hands resting gently on her waist. “Good. Then that’s something to look forward to.” He presses his lips to the bridge of her nose, then chuckles and lets their foreheads rest together. “We ought to get going,” he murmurs.

She rolls her eyes at his remark and sways slowly as she speaks. “Listen, spending the night at a party with a decent amount of people who don’t think you’re dead isn’t going to kill you. I’m sure you’ll be having so much fun that you won’t even notice how much you miss me.”

Malcolm rolls his eyes at that, swaying with her as he responds. “I doubt that. Your expectations are much higher than mine.” He smiles at the blonde and presses his nose to her forehead as he chuckles.

“That always seems to be the case, doesn’t it?” Felicity giggles before starting to kiss him but stops herself before it goes on too long. When she pulls away, she puts her hands on the man’s chest and smiles softly. “I’ll miss you tonight. I mean, I know I’ll see you and all, but it’s not really the same as talking with you and everything. Which reminds me— I’ve changed your name in my phone, so you’re safe to text me if you need to, or want to, or whatever. Just… I don't know– try not to murder my friends or anything tonight. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says. He chuckles under his breath and pecks her lips. “For the record, I’ll miss you as well. Keep an eye on your phone tonight. It’s incredibly likely that I’ll be bored or irritated by your friends and will end up texting you.”

She playfully hits him before she starts heading for the door. “One of those friends is your daughter, mind you. But if you’re looking for a worthy match for your intelligence,” she teases as her phone chimes, “I’m pretty sure that Digg and Lyla are bringing J.J. I’ve gotta go, my Uber’s here.”

“It’s fortunate you're as cute as you are. Anyone else would surely receive retribution for a remark like that.”

The blonde twirls around to face Malcolm as they make their way into the elevator. “You love it though, don’t lie.”

As the doors close, Malcolm wraps his arms around Felicity, a devilish smile on his lips. “Indeed, I do,” he replies before pulling her in for another kiss.

\---

Felicity arrives at the party about fifteen minutes before Malcolm does, which gives her plenty of time to help Thea finish set up the Hanukkah decorations. Oliver was _supposed_ to be hosting this party, but somehow Thea had managed to do all of the work. She insisted it was no big deal, but everyone would come to thank her for taking over.

Naturally, Thea put Team Arrow to work so they could get the old campaign office above the bunker ready for the party. Curtis covered the windows so everyone could get drunk and use their powers with some peace of mind, while Rene set up the drinks. Felicity’s hanging up the silver “Happy Hanukkah” sign when the guests start slowly coming in.

Everyone shows up within half an hour, and that’s when things get exciting. The heroes all talk to each other as if they had seen each other just yesterday. For once, no one is in the middle of planning how to catch whoever’s destroying their city, and the room feels light.

However, it’s not long before Felicity accidentally ignores a text from Malcolm.

[To ♥ – 10:04 PM] It’s been an hour and the only person I’ve talked to is my daughter. Can I leave yet?

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:11 PM] no??

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:11 PM] you know im going to say no, why would you even bother asking

[To ♥ – 10:12 PM] This party is dull.

_Read at 10:13 PM_

[To ♥ – 10:16 PM] Felicity.

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:17 PM] you’re a grown man PLEASE tell me you can find a way to entertain yourself for the next few hours

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:18 PM] talk to some of the non-star city newbies maybe?

[To ♥ – 10:21 PM] Pass.

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:24 PM] we’re here for another THREE HOURS. i want to talk to my friends while we’re all in one place and the world isn’t ending for once so i can’t be texting you all night.

[To ♥ – 10:24 PM] I’m going to leave then.

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:25 PM] no, malcolm, don’t go. please?

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:25 PM] here look- over by barry and some of the legends by the drinks

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:25 PM] i have actual legitimate puppy eyes

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:26 PM] just for you

[To ♥ – 10:28 PM] :|

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:29 PM] what do you want me to say?!

[To ♥ – 10:29 PM] That you’ll meet me somewhere we can be alone for a moment.

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:29 PM] define “alone”

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:30 PM] but i mean yeah of course, but do you want me to just follow you or...

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:30 PM] i guess i could find a spot myself but how alone are you thinking

[To ♥ – 10:31 PM] Downstairs. Fifteen minutes.

[To Mark Hernandez – 10:33 PM] wouldn’t miss it for the world

Malcolm smirks to himself when he receives Felicity’s response, but he waits a few minutes before rising from his seat and slipping away from the festivities. He makes his way down to Team Arrow’s headquarters to wait for Felicity. While he waits, he seats himself in the chair before the hacker’s computer.

Meanwhile, once she sees that Malcolm isn’t in the room anymore, Felicity excuses herself from the conversation before sneaking her way downstairs. When she sees Malcolm again, she makes her way over to him and sighs. “Hey, what’s happening? Are you actually thinking about leaving?”

Instead of responding, as soon as Felicity is near where he is seated, Malcolm gently tugs her into his lap. With a low hum, he leans up and murmurs, “Hi there,” before pressing his lips to hers.

When she pulls back, she leans her head on his. “Hey, okay, listen… I know you mean well and I know you want us _both_ to be able to go home and ‘celebrate’ but we can’t be doing this here. If you really want to go home you can; I won’t give you a hard time anymore.”

Malcolm sighs and presses his nose against Felicity’s hair with a quiet hum. “We’ll see,” he says. “I may try to stick it out for a bit longer. For you.” He kisses her forehead before resting for a moment longer.

“I know Thea wants you here too,” Felicity starts softly as she finds his hand and laces their fingers together. “She’ll be happy if you stay— I mean, so will I, obviously, but she invited you for a reason.”

Malcolm presses his eyes to Felicity’s hair for a moment, kissing her hairline gently. “I’ll make more of an effort to be pleasant, I suppose. But I can’t promise it will go over well with the other guests.”

“It’ll be fine— What if I get Curtis drunk for you? You’ve only seen him sober– he will tell you his whole life story and then be oh-so-brutally honest and before you know it, a beautiful friendship will start to blossom, and when we finally tell him about us, he’ll be like ‘Whaaaat? Merlyn’s so cool, we hung out at the New Year’s party and I totally approve of your super awesome boyfriend.’”

Malcolm laughs in amusement as he gazes up at Felicity fondly. “As amusing as I’m sure that would be, you don’t have to do that for me.” Leaning up carefully, he pecks her lips again. “I’ll be fine.”

“Well, if you get bored, my friends have all got some _pretty great_ party tricks, so I don’t think the party’s going to be as bad as you wanted it to be.”

“I didn’t _want_ it to be horrible,” he says. “I only anticipated it being… awkward, to put it simply. But I’ve been somewhat surprised. Rather than being deliberately rude, people have been avoiding me. Which, really, is all I could’ve asked for.”

Felicity rolls her eyes at him before she starts to reply, “Do you know what else has the _extreme_ potential of being awkward?” She hops off his lap and smooths out her dress before frowning a bit. “Me going upstairs and not having ninja skills like you do and having to answer questions about what I’ve been doing in the basement by myself for the last few minutes.”

Malcolm gives another deep sigh as he allows Felicity to get to her feet. “Go on then,” he chuckles. “Can’t have them asking you too many questions.”

“I’m the life of the party, how are they gonna survive up there without me?” She teases as she leans up one last time to kiss Malcolm. “Happy New Year.”

When Felicity kisses him again, Malcolm hums against her lips. “Happy New Year,” he responds with a bright smile as he sits back in his seat. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Thankfully, the only question that Felicity answers when she gets back is if she wants to dance, but it’s clear she doesn’t _really_ have a choice. She’s dragged onto the dance floor by Rene with Curtis following closely behind. (“C’mon Blondie— Curtis says we’re all getting out here at some point and you’re the only person I _know_ isn’t coordinated enough to make me look bad.”)

\---

The night continues on pretty smoothly. Most of the guests have had a few too many drinks, causing for a rather entertaining countdown. Unsurprisingly, fireworks start to go off at midnight, and it’s just enough to send Felicity over the edge. While Sara grabs the microphone and starts giving a speech, Felicity makes her way toward the outside of the crowd, trying to assess the situation.

Even though she hears gunshots over the comms what seems like every night, she hears them as Overwatch. She usually isn’t vulnerable and she feels in control when she’s behind a computer screen. But here, there are too many similarities between tonight and the night she was kidnapped and shot.

She’s not worried about telling Malcolm. Right now, she just needs to get out.

Her heart is almost pounding out of her increasingly tight chest and she’s starting to hold back tears. She’s beating herself up for having to leave this great party because of the most cliché reason when she runs into Oliver and Thea by the door.

“Hey, Felicity!” Thea calls as the blonde passes them.

“Hey,” She wants to play it off cool, but her breath betrays her and catches as she speaks.

Concern immediately covers Oliver’s features. “Felicity, what’s wrong?”

“I’m– uh- it’s nothing— I- um– had too many... latkes earlier, and they’re _not_ agreeing with me.”

“Felicity…” Oliver had slowly pulled her further from the crowd as she spoke. She looks anywhere, _everywhere_ , but his eyes. His hand is still on her upper arm, so she focuses on that. “Your eyebrows are doing the worried thing; I know you’re not okay. Talk to me, please.”

“Okay, yeah, um, I’m pretty sure I’m having a panic attack. Ray remembered how much I used to like Merlot and brought me over a glass, but he hasn’t really seen me since…”

“Since the holiday party.”

“Right, so that put me on edge, and then there were the fireworks and I don’t know how much longer I can keep it together, so I’m gonna call an Uber and just go before I break down in front of everyone,” Felicity manages to get out before she turns and starts to leave, but Oliver’s much quicker than her at the moment.

He moves in front of her, blocking the doors. “Let me drive you home, you’ll get there faster.”

“No, you have to stay here and host. Thea’s done too much and it’s not fair to her if you leave.”

“Why don’t I grab Barry and have him run you home?”

“No, I don’t want to explain everything to him, and then he’ll try to help and I don’t think I can deal with his energy right now. I’m getting an Uber. End of story.”

“I just don’t feel comfortable—”

“It’s not your decision to make!” The hacker snaps. The pressure on her chest is becoming too much and she just wants to get out. She bites down on her lip to keep it from quivering too much as she feels the tears start to form in her eyes. “Please, just let me go. _Please._ ”

Before Oliver can say anything, Thea returns with Malcolm by her side. She had slipped away to give them privacy, but both Felicity and Oliver had been too wrapped up in each other to notice. Felicity feels slightly calmer once Malcolm’s near her, but not by much, and looks to Thea for a brief second as if to say thank you.

“So, Malcolm was just on his way out…” Thea says, earning a _look_ from Oliver. “You guys are kinda in front of the door.”

“Right.” Oliver starts to move out of the way but reconsiders. “Malcolm, as much as I’d hate to ask…”

Before he can say another word, Malcolm glances at Felicity, then he nods. “I’ll be headed past that way.” He takes a step forward and raises his brow at the blonde then nods toward the parking lot. “Ms. Smoak.”

Felicity forces a smile and looks back at the Queens. “Bye Thea, Oliver.”

Once the siblings have left, Malcolm turns to look at Felicity. “Joseph should be here any minute. I asked him to come by when Thea came to get me.”

“Okay.” She’s tapping her fingers against her leg and trying to focus on her breathing but the car can’t come fast enough. “Are they gone?”

Malcolm glances back over his shoulder. “Yes, they’ve gone back inside.”

At that, she slowly reaches for his hand, squeezing until her knuckles are white.

“Hey,” he says. “It’s okay.” He peers back over his shoulder to make certain they’re alone before sliding his arm around her waist. “We’ll be home soon. Then you can rest.”

Felicity looks up at him, eyes watering as she nods. She lets out a small “I’m sorry,” before leaning into him. When the car pulls up, she looks up at Malcolm, letting him take the lead.

Malcolm holds Felicity against his side even as he steps forward to open the door. Then he helps her into the car before sliding in beside her. “Don’t apologize,” he says. “It’s alright. We could both use a good night’s sleep.”

“Is- is it okay if we just go straight to bed? I kn-know it’s kinda early for us, but–” She doesn’t know why she feels like she needs to beg him, but then again, she’s not thinking straight.

He turns to look at her, gently taking her face in his hands. “It’s alright, Felicity. We’ll go to bed when we get home.” He offers her a small, sincere smile before kissing her forehead.

Felicity’s foot rapidly taps the ground and she’s trying _so hard_ to keep it together. She scoots closer to Malcolm and looks up at him. “Thank you.”

“Happy New Year, sweetheart.”

“Happy New Year.”

\---

The next morning, it’s the calm after the storm. They’re both comfortable and well rested and it’s Malcolm that has to drag Felicity out of bed to get breakfast. She sits at the kitchen island, sipping her coffee as Malcolm starts to cook breakfast. He’s halfway through when there’s a knock at the door. Felicity pops up, still in her robe, and opens the door _just enough_ to talk to none other than Oliver Queen without him seeing the kitchen. “Oliver! Hey, um, happy New Year. What… what are ya doin’ here?”

“Happy New Year, Felicity. I just wanted to check up on you after last night, see how you’re doing.” He offers a sympathetic smile to the blonde. “You seemed pretty shaken up.”

“You didn’t have to do that. I’m… I’m fine, really.”

Oliver’s not completely buying it though, and takes a step closer, hoping to get inside. “I do feel bad about last night though, at least let me make you breakfast.”

Felicity doesn’t budge, however, and bites her lip for a second before placing her hands on her stomach. “I ate already, super full. Maybe another time.”

“Come on, we both know you don't have anything more than a granola bar in the mornings. Besides, since when does Felicity Smoak turn down _breakfast?_ ” Before she can say another word, he’s already stepping into her apartment. He’s determined to cheer her up. But when he turns the corner, the vigilante is greeted by the sight of Malcolm Merlyn at the stove in his boxers.

Malcolm peers over his shoulder when he feels Oliver’s presence behind him. “She doesn’t. But I’ve got that covered.”

Oliver stares at Malcolm, blinks, then turns his attention toward Felicity. He opens his mouth to speak, but he finds no words come to him. He shuts his mouth and looks back at Malcolm. He tries to speak again, but still, he’s speechless.

“Careful,” Malcolm quips. “You’ll swallow a fly.”

“Why are you _here_ , Malcolm?” Oliver finally asks. “And why the hell is _Malcolm Merlyn_ standing in your kitchen in his boxers, Felicity?”

Felicity presses her lips into a straight line and avoids eye contact with her ex. “That’s a really good question. A _really_ good question. Like, if I had a list of good questions that would be pretty up there.”

“Felicity,” Oliver warns.

“Right, um, okay.” She looks to Malcolm then back to Oliver. “We’re… kinda…”

“We’ve been seeing each other,” Malcolm chimes in.

Felicity nods slowly and before she can add anything else, Oliver starts again, clearly trying to control his anger. “How long has this been happening?”

“Since August?” Felicity’s counting the months in her head and it doesn’t feel quite right. While they’ve technically been ‘seeing each other’ since August, they had been _seeing each other_ since May. “I mean, I guess since Genesis Day but that was really fuzzy and this didn’t really evolve until August and—”

“ _Evolve?_ Jesus, Felicity, what the _hell?”_

“I don’t owe you an explanation, Oliver!”

Oliver’s face is starting to get red as he continues. “So what? You thought you could just keep this from me? From all of us?” Felicity gives him a telling look and he shakes his head in disbelief before softening his voice. “Who else knows?”

“Thea,” Malcolm said. “Like you, she found out by accident.”

“I can’t believe this. Rebounding with Malcolm Merlyn.”

“I’d hardly call this a rebound,” the other archer scoffs. “And quite frankly, what Felicity does is none of your business. What we have together is between her and me.”

Something about Oliver’s last comment leaves a sour taste in Felicity’s mouth and she loses whatever momentum she’s built. “I think you should go, Oliver. Have Curtis on overwatch, I’m not coming in tonight.” Her voice is noticeably softer and all she wants to do right now is eat her breakfast and go back to bed.

“Felicity–”

“You heard her.” Malcolm sets the pan down on the stove and turns off the burner. Then he turns around to face Oliver properly. “It’s time you go.” He approaches the younger male, brow raised challengingly.

Oliver shakes his head as he starts to leave but stops at the door. “Think about what you’re doing, Felicity.”

Once the door closes, Felicity slumps down into one of the dining room chairs. “Did I just mess everything up? ——Don’t answer that.”

Malcolm sighs as he approaches Felicity. He stands behind her chair and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “The pancakes are almost finished,” he tells her. “If you’d like to eat in bed, I can bring a tray up.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“Alright,” he nods. “I’ll meet you upstairs then.”

She gets up slowly and turns to face Malcolm. “Hey, just real quick though–” Felicity gets up on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to Malcolm’s lips for a second. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” He grins as he pecks her lips again. “Go on, I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Okay.” She smiles softly at him before heading back up the stairs.

Breakfast comes soon after Felicity has settled back into bed, exhausted from the morning’s events. The chocolate chip pancakes help brighten her mood a little, but she’s still overanalyzing the entire conversation with Oliver.

“Felicity.”

Malcolm’s voice draws Felicity out of her thoughts.

He’s running his fingers through her hair as he gazes at her. “What we have is none of Oliver’s business.”

She lets out a small sigh after finishing up a bite of her breakfast. “As my ex-fiancé, no. As my friend though? I just… I don’t know. He deserved _something_.”

“I don’t think he did,” he says. “If you want to keep your relationship to yourself, that’s your right. You know what he’s like. You had a pretty certain idea of how he’d react. It’s not out of the ordinary to think you’d keep this from him. Compared to all of the lying he’s done to you, this is nothing.”

“That doesn’t mean I should lie back. I’m supposed to be a bigger person than he is.” Felicity looks at Malcolm for a second, leaning her head into his hand as she does so. “How do you feel about me telling everyone else? I mean, what’ve I got to lose? I’ll still have you.”

“Yes, you will,” he nodded. “And Thea too. Like I told you before, the decision is yours. I don’t mind being your secret, but if you feel like you’re prepared to tell your friends, then you should.”

“Okay,” a small smile grows on Felicity’s face after kissing the palm of his hand. “Well, I should probably get dressed if I want to tell John before Oliver does.”

He smiled back at Felicity and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Alright. Do you want me to go with you?”

She nods and her smile grows wider. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> oh man. this ship is honestly a wild ride and there's already another emotional roller-coaster being planned out. megan's in grad school and i'm a junior in high school so writing is hard to find time to do, but please comment and bug us for more if that's what you want. it'll help us get our butts in gear and take less than ten months to write the next fic. merlicity.tumblr.com is where we've been posting fic commentary and merlicity edits so check us out there too! xoxo, alyssa 
> 
> note: while neither of us have PTSD or any kind of panic disorder, we tried to do our best to research and tried to base felicity's panic attack on the research and my own panic attacks.


End file.
